2022 : fewer fairy tales, more life

 2 heartbreaks, 2 jobs, 31 flights, 21 cities, 3 countries, 8 new friends, 18 books, 19 blog articles, minus 1 best friend later, we made it.

In the movie of my life, 2022 is the cliff hanger that changes the track of everything that was expected and predicted. It is the year where the actor somehow finds herself crying uncontrollably in the middle of a club with glaring lights and loud music. It is the year where the actor shouts for help in the middle of a busy street while she is defeated by the loud noises in her mind.

But this is also the year where she finds the background music to her life, where she finally realizes that she is kind, she is strong, she is empathetic, and she is a force of nature. This is the year that she finally gets her life off autopilot and embraces all of life’s challenges and troughs with the widest smile. Well, the aftermath of grief is strength.

2022 was some year. I was hurting. I was loving. I was laughing. I was crying. On some days it was impossible to wake up because of the doom in my mind, and on some days, I didn’t want the day to end because of how exhilarating life was. There were days my heart beat out of my chest, and there were days where my face couldn’t contain the size of my smile. I felt a whirlwind of emotions, but I am so eternally grateful for each one of them. This is the core of being human, and I haven’t felt so alive for a long, long time.

It is impossible to encapsulate the mammoth of experiences this year had in store for me. Strangers turned into friends, lovers turned into foes and friends turned into strangers. I fell in love with my own city after years of having a difficult relationship with it. I embraced a new job and invested immensely in my professional growth. I danced until the clubs shut down and then I danced on the streets and on coast lines. I journaled and I meditated, and I put in hours and hours of work to come to closer to myself. I rediscovered my love for running and I ran until every cell of mine was pumping again. Music has gotten me through some of my worst days, and I found artists that wrote lyrics describing my feelings better than I ever could.

I clicked pictures and wrote articles and tried to document this cruelly beautiful journey of life. I was humbled by innumerable sunsets in different corners of the country, and it reminded me how fleeting life is, and all we can do is grab every day and make the most of it. I appreciated everything and was full of gratitude for the kindness of the universe.

This year I met the most broken version of me, but also the most resilient. I showed up every day. I dressed up and gave lectures on my worst days. I created boundaries and refused access to those who didn’t deserve me. I made courageous decisions to choose the life I wanted to live. I fought for what I believed in, and I worked hard to bring me closer to the version of me I wanted to be.

I promised myself to never settle for mediocrity, and to always strive for greatness – of work, of self, of relationships, of experiences and of life in all. I put my foot down, time and time again for my happiness and my freedom. I refused to follow templates of what was expected of me, and what would make others happy. I realized that everything that is missing in your life, is everything you can give yourself.  I chose me. I became me. I finally embraced myself with all my eccentricities and uniqueness and I felt so authentically myself after ages.

This year was fewer fairy tales, more life, and I would not have it any other way. This is the year I learnt to draw the silver lining in my cloud. I’d rather have my heart broken than to not feel it all. I’d rather get a few bruises than to never leap. I’d rather fall flat on my face, than to try not to fly. 

To all the future versions of Saasha, you better be proud of 2022 Saasha, because she faced this year like a boss.