The Cosmic Scribbles

I keep talking to you in my mind. Things I wish I should have said earlier. Things I realize now and want to share with you. Places that remind me of you. Days that take me back to the memories with you. Moments that feel incomplete without your presence. I have so much to tell you, so many unexpressed emotions and feelings. I put them into words only to realize that you’re not here anymore. My words are only in my mind, and they drill a hole inside my heart. How long can I keep talking to myself hoping that someday this telepathy reaches you and you finally get to hear the words that you have been longing for. How long until I realize that these words will never be said aloud, and they will die and wither away like the rest of me. How long until my heart stops talking to me and it’s too late to resuscitate.

 A day off, where I wake up under my comfortable blanket, I open the window, take in the morning wind, and water my plants. I play my favorite music and spend some time in comfortable silence. Shutting my laptop towards the end of the workday, having ticked off my to-do list, being pleased with the amount of work I could accomplish, and feeling hopeful about the direction of my career. Driving to the airport for a flight, standing in the queues of check in and security, anticipation running on my mind about the new adventures in store for me. Gazing at the incomprehensible sky through the window of the aircraft, imagining the endless possibilities that the world has to offer. Watching the waves hit the shore, and dance away so effortlessly. Spending a moment to recognize how irrelevant we are the massive world, and how our problems are big and inconsequential at the same time. Finding the perfect feel-good song, which generates hope within hopelessness and a happy tear in...

 Can we encapsulate a life of 25 years, dreams worth 50 years and memories worth a lifetime into 200 words to describe my personality? Not sure but let me try. I am a multitude of paradoxes. I am a voracious dreamer who yet at times finds herself subscribing to society’s expectations of success. I am violently ambitious, but I allow the insecurities in my head get the better of me. I am deeply loving and caring, but I will not fight for a person wanting to leave my life. I am talkative, but I am quiet. I am an extrovert but being in bed is my safe space. I will dance all night to the grooviest of songs, but my playlist is a collection of sad girl music. I am the happiest, but I am also the saddest. I want to live unabashedly, but my people pleasing needs overpower my will to pursue my life. I am beautiful, and I am cruel. I am warm as the sun, and I am cold as ice. I am naïve and I am vicious. I can be your bravest ally and I can be your worst enemy. I preach morality but my ethi...

We need to speak about how your twenties are the time to prioritize your happiness and be unabashedly selfish. How it is the time to pursue every dream you have dreamed and tick things off of your bucket list. This is the time to make memories that will make you smile and fill your heart with gratitude years and years later. We will never be this young again. Before we know it, we will be paying EMIs on home loans, planning annual holidays based on school calendars, struggling with aching bones and reminiscing about our youth. Your bank account will replenish itself and your manager will be unhappy with you anyway. You have the rest of your life to fill up your savings with money you will never use. Time is the only true currency, and you can never get it back. So book that ticket, kiss that stranger, get those passport stamps, trek unconquerable peaks, take that diving course, spend a night stargazing, paraglide off a hill, watch more sunrises and sunsets. Take your life and make it...