You are not alone (TW: Your 20s)

 Can we talk a little more about the debilitating fear of being in your mid to late 20s?

About living in the constant fear of failing in the peak years of our life. The feeling of being left behind as our friends find their dream jobs and life partners. The fake optimism of changing our life by changing cities and countries and jobs. The constant self-doubt that lingers on our mind as often as our heart beats. The impending doom that surrounds us as we force ourselves to sleep. The fear of never being loved again. The wrecking feeling of never making our parents proud. The discomfort of never fitting in any mold that society has defined.

The anxiety of missing out on the life we see people living on Instagram. The nagging imposter syndrome that stops us from celebrating our wins. The loneliness of feeling like you’re the only one struggling. The incapacity of expressing the darkness that plagues our thoughts. The envy hidden behind wide smiles when we see our peers succeeding. The shattering realization of not having accomplished what we thought we would by now. The never ending and rarely successful attempt to wake up early, eat healthy, stop procrastinating. The constant and unsaid race with others our age.

Losing hope with every decision that panned out differently than we thought. Losing our capacity to give and receive love with every failed situationship. Losing our innocence and optimism with every birthday. Trying to hide from mirrors and cameras. Avoiding the difficult conversations and confrontations. The internal battles between living vs saving, passion vs stability, income vs learning and the never-ending search of unfound answers. The ever-increasing screen time and scarily reducing genuine human interaction. Our bad postures and badder habits. The guilt of broken friendships and the hopelessness of one-sided love.

The heartbreak of watching our closest friends fly to faraway cities and not knowing when if we’ll ever see them again. The pain of lost time and opportunities and the fear of the clock of life. The helplessness of seeing our nearest ones battle mental health illnesses, substance abuse and not knowing the right thing to say or do. Burdening our shoulders with the responsibility of breaking generational trauma. Feeling that everyone is better than us, smarter than us, has everything all sorted out. All of us are fooling ourselves and each other with this. Hiding behind our picture-perfect social profiles. Feeling like we’re too late or too early. Living with the painful reminders of the teenage ambition we had to give up to choose stability.

None of this is easy. Its fucking difficult. Somedays are truly unsurvivable but we yet make it out of bed and into our workspaces every day. On most days.
We can’t fight it, we can’t avoid it, we can’t change it. The only way is through it.

Does it get better? I don’t know.
Are you alone in this? Not a chance.