Dear Sadness

 

Dear Sadness,

My old friend. It’s been a while.

How are you? I remember when you had found a comfortable home in my chest for two years. I remember how we both shared a sweet melancholy – me violently pushing you away and you pulling me back even harder. I remember the muffled cries, the heavy heart, and the all-consuming hollowness that you brought with yourself. I remember the long walks we took into nothingness with the company of sad songs. Sad songs that pierced my heart even further as all my facades dropped. I remember the haven of isolation and hopelessness that you made inside me. I remember all those nights you embraced me with your darkness. And I remember trying to fight you, with all my might, until I couldn’t anymore, and I gave up and you drowned me whole. As you solidified a place in my heart, I started believing that this is how the rest of my life will look like.

But things changed between us, didn’t they? Once I stopped fighting and instead started treating you with patience, kindness, and gentleness, I started to realize that you were never the enemy. Suddenly, we were not at war anymore. And just as I started giving you space, hearing you, soothing you, you slowly started slipping away. I finally saw how you were the friend reminding me aggressively about the things I should be paying attention to. You were the manifestation of everything unfair that I was doing to myself. You were not a dagger; you were actually my anchor. I just had to pay attention.

It’s been some time since you have come knocking on my door. I’m still learning to live without you, but it’s looking up. Would you believe if I said that, I might, be, happy? I miss you sometimes, when I listen to sad songs, and they don’t cut as bad as they did before. Do you know you filled me with hope and love and faith on your way out? I am glad to have met you. I am grateful that you left me with a glowing light that I now shine with. I am thankful for all the lessons you taught, for all the lonely nights that you gave me company and I hope that you know – the next time you come around, I will save you some space and greet you with a warm hug.

Lots of love,

Saasha

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